I had waited for months to attend Supernatural Convention in Burbank to finally meet Jared Padalecki. I just wanted a few seconds to say thanks to him in person for his Always Keep Fighting campaign & to give him a copy of my Always Keep Fighting poetry book that I published on 7/19/16 & that he inspired. Instead, I wasn’t able to go to California as I had planned & these last several days, I have dealt with months of processing words & actions of hate in addition to ongoing issues associated with my 26 year fight against anxiety & depression. I had always considered myself a strong person & I choose to keep much of the details of my life hidden from public view. But I broke under the weight of months of hate. I’m broken. It will take a very long time to put the pieces of me back together. 
I was initially hesitant about joining social media because I knew that there was a segment of society who seem to feed on hate & negativity, who hide behind the First Amendment as an excuse to spew garbage. So when I joined social media in 2015, I expected it to be a challenge. I am not a social person by nature. I never have been & never will be. I enjoy my alone time immensely. I can happily go to a restaurant alone where I eat & write, letting my mind weave poetry. In my blog & social media accounts, I wanted to use to foster positivity & to celebrate creative artistry.
So for those of you who have come into my inner sanctuary & felt entitled to leave me hateful messages because for some reason you resent that I write poetry in honor of my dead mother (as you commented, “she’s dead, we don’t want to hear about her”), you are annoyed by my book reviews or articles, or for some reason you take it as a personal affront when I write a poem for Supernatural actors (so your response to me is “you stupid moron why are you flooding Twitter with your stuff. Don’t you know, you fool, that this actor won’t even see your stuff”), I won’t ever respond to you. I refuse to bring myself down to your level.
I’m staying away from social media for awhile. For the people who have proven to me how they care, I’m grateful. I want to especially thank Nicki Aycox. Over a year ago, I shared my depression story on her blog. She is a beautiful, compassionate lady who continues to inspire me with her generous spirit & emotionally satisfying music that tells a story of resiliency & healing. Like Nicki, her music embraces all people. There is no judgment in her lyrics or melodies because they are born within the purity of her heart. Every time over these last few months when I have berated myself for partaking in social media in the first place, I remind myself that I would have never gotten to know Nicki nor the many other creative and kind people who constantly give of themselves. I am grateful for these people. These are the people I want to remember.I wrote this poem for me because I needed to write something for me.

#poetry #amwriting  I am called names of hate by Tracy Diane Miller

Idiot
Moron
Fool

Some of the names of hate
I can repeat that I have been called
There are more names assigned to me by others
Who rejoice as I fall
This girl who writes poetry
And book reviews you see
Who hides behind the benevolence of words
As hope is determined to flee
A birthday or a poem of comfort
This girl will often write
But poet some won’t call her
Instead they wield words of pain often with great delight
Memories of a bygone era she holds close to her chest
Tears drown her
Regret eats at her each and every day
Even she forgets herself
Maybe she is that

Idiot
Moron
Fool

For in her despair
She will write a poem
For others who never see the real her standing there
Because how could someone who writes a poem
The beauty to engage
Hurt so much inside
Wouldn’t she show her rage

Idiot
Moron
Fool

The girl who writes poetry on Twitter and Facebook
But do others even care when she hurts
Will others give her a second look
She is broken
After months and months
She broke
The pieces of her shattered on the floor
It will take a very long while
To assemble all of these broken pieces
But this girl who writes poetry
In the end

This girl who writes poetry
Will endure
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