Visitation dreams from our dead loved ones & how they support us from beyond the grave by Tracy Diane Miller
My mother passed away on Tuesday, May 10, 2005 at 3:40 a.m. , yet in a very real sense, she never left me.
Ever since she physically left this world almost 12 years ago, she has visited me in my dreams at least twice a week. Others might disagree, but I’m convinced that her visiting me in my sleep is how she continues to support and reassure, particularly during my dark moments. Back in the early 1970s when I was a child (& I had an unnatural obsession with death), I was absolutely terrified that my mother would die and leave us alone in this world. We didn’t have any extended family so my real fear was that we would end up in foster care. In addition to constantly worrying about losing my mother, I worried that Stacy & I would be separated & we would never see each other again.
Of course, my mother was extremely comforting & extremely understanding. When I finally confided in her my fear, she promised that she wouldn’t leave her babies anytime soon (she always called us her babies, even when we were teens & no longer babies. That term of endearment never embarrassment me because she showed her love for us all the time). She said that when she died, she knew that we would be able to take care of ourselves and each other. She was honest and blunt in her statement that we may find a few people in our lives who may worry about our well-being, but that it would be our twin bond that we could always rely upon & that bond would be the only one that was truly unbreakable.
The other thing that I took from these conversations was that she would visit us in our dreams as often as she could. Many times when she isn’t visiting me, she goes to see Stacy.
At my lowest moments (especially in November, 2016), she came to me frequently. I’ve been able to tell how I finally became a published author. I’ve seen her hold my books in her hands & heard her read my poems, poems that she never lived to see me write.
Sometimes in the middle of the night, I see her standing over my bed. And while it might seem irrational, I’ve felt her touch me.
On Monday, July 18, 2016 when I interviewed Gordon Thomson for The Nerdy Girl Express, my mother visited me in my dreams & reminded me that she said back on Saturday, February 4, 1989 (when I briefly met Gordon at the Variety Club Telethon in Philadelphia) that I would get to talk to him again. My 23 year old self in February, 1989 was skeptical that would happen (I couldn’t envision any scenario at the time where I would have occasion to talk to him). For people who really know me they know that since 1982, Gordon Thomson has been a favorite of mine; in fact, he is my oldest living favorite actor.
I’ve gone for walks and I have seen a robin (my mother’s favorite bird) & I’m convinced that the robin is a sign from her. I’ve smelled familiar scents or been in stores where a Judy Garland tune will inexplicably be played over the loud speaker. Again, my mother & I shared a love for Judy Garland so I always take hearing Garland’s stirring vocals (when the music comes unexpectedly) as a sign that my mother is reaching out to me.
Visitation dreams, I would argue, are the tangible proof of how our dead loved continue to support us from beyond the grave.
I have my mother’s voice on a digital recorder. I’ve listened to that recording everyday since May 10, 2005. That’s how I begin my day. Through my mountains of anxiety & depression. Through the poems that I write for others (one of my joys in life). Through the many days when I prefer to be asleep rather than awake, my mother comes to me & tells me that she won’t let me go or fall.